They say that you can’t have it all as a woman: career, relationship, children, social life, time to work out, etc., etc.
I have been a mother for five months now, the question of “having it all” is more present, I have to admit. At this moment, it has been a week of my son’s sleep regression, lots of activity at work, piles of grading to be done, messy house needing to be cleaned, and not having worked out in over a week. As I write this, I am averaging 4 hours of sleep, with loads upon loads of work (work-work and housework). I am tired. So I’m not going to pretend that my life is perfect. In my weakest moments, seems as though something may have to give.
This may be a time in my life where I am the most busy and the most tired I have ever been. It’s hard. But an added stress that I believe is unnecessary is that our society puts so much emphasis on “doing what makes you happy.” Happiness is fleeting: you can be happy one moment, and upset the next. There are days my job makes me unhappy. There are nights my little one just won’t go to sleep, and that makes me unhappy (insert crying emoji here). Some days my husband and I haven’t talked all day and I feel distant from him, and that makes me unhappy. And so many people freak out when they are unhappy, and they think need to change something drastically in their life to achieve the ever-fleeting happiness.
But while happiness is fleeting, the joy that comes from the Lord is constant. And as I reflect on my life, and I realize one truth: I have joy.
Despite my exhaustion, seeing my son smile at me every morning brings me joy.
Although I am tired, preparing my lessons and seeing my students have that “Aha!” moment brings me joy.
Even though we are both busy people, my husband is my best friend, who will put everything and anything aside to sit down with me and enjoy a cup of tea, and that brings me joy.
The constant busy-ness of my work-life where I have meetings, lesson plans, grading, and upcoming projects brings me joy.
Working out and seeing that I can now jog a mile without passing out brings me joy.
I do want to clarify: And I am in no way saying that over-doing it to the point of making yourself sick is OK. We need rest and take care of our bodies. And we need to cut ourselves some slack as mothers. We need to learn to say “no” to some things. And you if are experiencing fatigue please see a physician.
But I guess the main point of this post is this: I am tired, so, so tired, but the things that I spend my energy on give me joy. And in the exhaustion of my life, I realize that I don’t want a perfect life. I want a joyful life, one that only comes from God, and that life may be hectic, messy, and exhausting.
Now, could I use a nap? Naps bring me joy too. 🙂
So can women have it all?
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13).
“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)
PhD and Pañales 