Arriving at your due date is an emotional experience. When I was writing my dissertation, the due dates were days filled with anxiety and utter and complete stress to turn in that chapter, revision, and ultimately, complete manuscript. But I appreciated due dates because it was the marker to the end of something, and a way to show that I have accomplished what I set myself out to do. It was the day I got to show the product of my labor.
This experience of a due date when it comes to having a child has been tremendously difficult. I know, a due date is more of an educated guess, and so you can have your baby, give or take, a week before or a week after, and it’s a healthy delivery with a full term, beautiful baby. But I am one of those women who suffer what’s called “prodromal labor”, aka “false labor”. You basically have regular contractions, but there is no change cervical dilation or effacement. I had 2 episodes of prodromal labor at 37 weeks, one lasting 16 hours, and the other lasting 24 hours (the last two hours I was contracting every 3 minutes for a minute and a half. The doctors in OB triage didn’t know what to do with me since I was clearly showing on the monitor that I was contracting, so they gave me morphine to ease my pain). I didn’t know prodromal labor existed, and I was always under the impression that “false labor” were the well-known Braxton Hicks.
I had another bout of prodromal labor a day before my due date, but I thought it was the real deal. I couldn’t be having false labor, my due date was the next day! I was so excited to arrive at my due date, ready to show the world the fruit of my labor, my brand new, beautiful baby boy that I had gestated and housed in my body for nine long months.
But 15 hours later (with the last two hours being very painful back labor pains), my contractions simply fizzled out. It’s right smack on my due date, and I STOPPED having labor pains. How could this be?! I was so angry and tired. So much pain, so much work, for NOTHING. I went upstairs, took some Tylenol and Benadryl, and went to sleep.
After I woke up from my angry nap, I went downstairs and watched Black-ish, one of my favorite tv shows. Laying on my side, my baby started hiccuping and kicking away, and all that anger I had just kind of went away. At the end of the day, he’s a healthy boy, and as tired and miserable as I was, I am also healthy and have had a smooth pregnancy. I thought to myself, “This pain really, really sucks. But my baby is worth it.”
I didn’t want to, but I needed to leave the house. I needed to get out of my pity-party. I am writing this post as I sit in the car waiting for my husband to get a hair cut, since the contractions fizzled out we figured he would take advantage of the time, and we are also going to go to the mall to walk around. More work, more labor before the actual labor!
So today is my due date, it’s 3:38pm and baby is still happily kicking in my womb. What do I have to show the world on this due date? Because people have definitely been texting and calling, and I appreciate the excitement for my son’s arrival.
What I have to show, the fruit of my labor, on this due date, is that I am learning to love someone so much that pain after pain, it is worth it just so that one day I get to see his big beautiful eyes look at me, his proud mama, who labored so long for him to come into this world.
PhD and Pañales 